Mercy's Storm

A crashing wave has dove upon me
A wild tornado is chasing me down
Leaving me to die in pain and agony
I'm starting think I'll surely drown

The world starts shaking beneath my feet
Thunder is screaming within my head
Anxiety and depression will claim my defeat
The feelings inside shall claim my death

As a strike of lightening brightens my sky
The rain comes pouring with an angry force
The pain shines dully from within my eyes
This decision is mine, I've chosen my last course

Clouds hold the rain with an intimidating threat
The wind ceases to blow, it is finally the end
My life quickly fading into never ending debt
Mercy taken upon me, I'm free to live yet again.

Broken & scared. Shattered & scared. Im losing what i once had to gain something i never wanted. With my fears growing quickly idk if i can handle the pain.

am i enough?

me?
i couldn't possibly be enough...
i am not skinny
i talk too much
i have issues
i say all the wrong things.
you?
you're far more than i could ask for
your sweet &amazing
you're a great kisser ;)
you say all the right things
ME:
i get depressed randomly
i cry over the silliest things
i overreact sometimes
i am broken from years of heartache
YOU:
you're always smiling
you always make me laugh
you always understand 
you are stronger than i could ever be

Quote of the day...

"Sometimes we strive so hard for perfection that we forget that imperfection is happiness" ~Karen Nave

Atelophobia

The fear of imperfection.

I try so hard to be different without being the same. But I feel like its pointless. I see the same faces all the time but they're really not the same at all. I've been trying to be myself that I got caught up being someone else. I'm not sure who I am anymore...I lost myself in the crowd that I tried so hard to drag myself away from. Who am I? I thought I found myself when I found you, but it turns out I've been being who you wanted me to be. I changed my look and my sense of thought. I gave up friends and changed my ways. I changed so much all for you. Anymore am I being me or who you want me to be? Was I ever really enough for you...is that why you made me change the way I was? That's all I ever wanted was to be yours, and I would do anything to make it true...even change the person I wanted to be. I was scared you wouldn't love me...i was worried you would leave. But am i truly happy now? How can i be happy with us when im not even happy with me...maybe you were right, maybe we need a break...maybe we need sometime. I can't be in love with someone who can't be in love with me...all i wanted to be was perfect, i was so scared to be imperfect that i lost who i was...now i have no clue....so im back to being alone...forgotten...lost...imperfect once again

Athazagoraphobia...

...the fear of being forgotten...
...of being completely lost...
...of being all alone...
when the wind screams through a silent night.
i dont want to be alone
will you be there to hold me close an tight
i need your loving touch
when the thunder brings the pouring rain
i dont want to be lost
will you be the one to erase all the pain
i need your caring love
when the earth quakes an my dreams are shattered
i dont want to be forgotten
will you help ease me from being so broken and battered

Quote of the day...

"The fear of death follows from the fear of life.  A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time."  ~Mark Twain

::i never thought id see the da when your shining light that guided me would begin to fade, but now its dim an you've gone away::

Quote of the day:

I decided to find a different quote each day that inspires me somehow. I may write some of them myself or find them online. I'll put who said it if it's not my own words(: So if you have something you want people to see let me know! I'll give you credit for what you found! I love quotes, so tell me what y'all find!

"Of all the people I have ever known, those who have pursued their dreams and failed have lived a much more fulfilling life than those who have put their dreams on a shelf for fear of failure." ~Author Unknown

Sis gotta outta the park homerun!
peple really are starting to makeme mad, no will to work...

Dreaming....

Have you ever felt as if you're living in a dream?
As if through the day you're really just dreaming everything..
Nothing is really happenin...
Your invcible, and if something really horrible...
Just unthinkable and unimaginalbe happens..
You'll suddenly wake up in your bed?
You know you're not dreaming...
So you don't try and fly off a building..
But you still feel different...
Like you're watching this all happen
You're life is playing out infront of you like a moive
And you're forced to watch through the eyes of someone else...
Forced to sit on the side while all these things happen to you..
But it's not you...
Watching your life pass by like you're not really living it at all..
That's what i go through...
I'm going through these motions..
I'm feeling all these feelings, as if it's someone else...
It's like i get the 2nd effect of all these..
I don't understand...
I'm the one making the choices, but it's like i'm about to wake up.....
and it'll all be over....
Sometimes i want to wake up, and that's when i know im not dreaming..
but other times i don't want to...something is so amazing and unbelieveable that i feel like its all a dream
i feel like if i enjoy it to much then ill wake up and forget it all soon as i get up..
life is just one really long dream...
and when we wake up....is when we die....
we can't really change what's happened before...
but we can change what's going to happen...
its all a dream...
but in truth its reality...

I'm not an angel...

You made a mistake
On the day that you met me and lost your way
You saw all the signs
But you let it go
You closed your eyes
I shoulda told you to leave
Cause I knew all the time you couldn't handle me
But you're hard to resist
When you're on your knees
Begging me

Chorus:
I tear you down
I'll make you bleed eternally
Can't help myself
From hurting you when it's hurting me
I don't have wings
So flyin with me won't be easy
Cause I'm not an angel
I'm not an angel

Hate being that wall
That you hit when you feel like you gave it all
I keep taking the blame
When we both know that I'll never change

Chorus:
I tear you down
I'll make you bleed eternally
Can't help myself
From hurting you when it's hurting me
I don't have wings
So flyin with me won't be easy
Cause I'm not an angel
I'm not an angel

I wasn't always this way
I used to be the one with the halo
But that disappeared when I had my first taste
And fell from grace
It left me in this place
I'm starting to think maybe you like it

Chorus:
I tear you down
I'll make you bleed eternally
Can't help myself
From hurting you when it's hurting me
I don't have wings
So flyin with me won't be easy
Cause I'm not an angel

I'm not an angel
I'm not an angel
I'm not an angel
I'm not an angel
I'm not an angel


*by Halestorm<3

"I am not in this world to live up to other peoples expections, nor do I feel that the world must live up to mine" -Fritz Perls

"when the world turns its back on me and i feel as if i have no where else to go...i turn my back to the world an see you were there all along"

Skinny jeans and vans. Button up with a t-shirt. D&G purse with Diesel glasses. Fuck that. I want myslef. I want to be different. I refuse to conform to the "normalities" society has placed on us. I may not be the same, but I'm sure as hell different. I like wearing my boyfriends shirt to class cuz i woke up to late, not cuz i think its cool. I don't wanna wear boots with skinny jeans. I want my cowboy boots today. Tomorrow i may wear stilletos. but who cares? If it makes you laugh, good! Laugter makes you live longer! It made someones day. So why bother being the same as everyone else. Be different. If someone laughs at you, laugh at your self. If someone smiles at you, smile to yourself. No one truly gets happy when others are wearing the same thing as them. People are just dying for someone to go outside the norm and BE themselves, not who society wants. Thats who i am. I'm different, but not cause im looking for attention. i just do what i wanna do. 

~[Be]lieve in [You]rself<3

"If you believe everything you read, then you better not read" -Japanese Proverb

Don't let anyone tell you how to live. Do what you want. Say how you feel. Go where you want. I lived to long letting others influence what i would do and how i would live my life. I finally realized i can't live like that. Don't live with regrets. Don't live in the past. Learn from your mistakes. And live for today, cause tomorrow is never promised. 

Fitting into a mold. Trying to be who they want me to be. What's the point? It's my life. They try to live their life through me. That's not how it works. This is my turn. It's up to me to make the choices. It effects me more than anyone. I'm the one dealing with the consequences. Why should I bother listening to them? Well, I should listen...but why should I jump when they say jump? Why should I sprint when they say go? It's not their life! I'm happy with where my life is heading. So what, I made some mistakes? I'm not Jesus Christ! I'm not perfect! I'm a fucking human being! We make mistakes...it's a part of life! That's how we learn. Maybe I didn't learn the first time, or even the second or third, but that's because they were telling me what I should learn. That's not how life works. I mean of course they can point me in what they believe is the right direction and of course they can offer me words of advice. But that does NOT mean they should shove me down the road they want me to go down. That does NOT mean they should take a hammer and pound in the lessons THEY think i should learn. I figured it out finally though. I told them that I would do what I want to do. And I'll deal with the consequences. So that's what I did. With the help of him, I got through the crossroads I was faced with. He stole my heart and I fell in love with him. What motivates me to do what I need to do is the fact that I don't want to lose him. He doesn't force me to do anything, he just helps me, he encourages me to do the best I can do! He congratulates me when I do something good. So that's what I'm doing. I took control of my life again, I get my shit done and then I go play. I make sure I got things in order before I go crazy. When I do get crazy, I know I can always go running to him and he'll be there with arms wide open to hold me and help me back up if I fall. But he doesn't baby me through anything. He knows what I'm capable of now that I've took control. He tells me what I should do, what I can do. He's the best thing that's ever happened to me. And now that I've helped him see the amazing, wonderful, beautiful man that he is and helped him find the confidence he never knew he had, he's helped me find the confidence that I had lost.

A successful person is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks that others throw at him or her.  ~David Brinkley

They say home is where the heart...
but anymore i don't feel like this house is a home.
i live here, of course...
i sleep here, eat here, shower here...but its no home...
my heart is far gone from these walls that hold me.
i have my family here.
i have love here, but how come i feel so distant?
the only time i feel at home is when hes with me
it doesnt matter where we are
when im around him all is right
hes stolen my heart,
hes my everything.
i love him.
even though i know i've messed up before....
he loves me still.
i may wander from here to there.
but i know where my heart is,
he holds it safe.